We Were Taught to Compete… and Maybe That Was a Mistake

We live in a society obsessed with competition.

From an early age, we are taught that standing out means being above someone else.

We compete:

• for grades,
• for recognition,
• for money,
• for positions,
• for status,
• for validation,
• even for who seems to have the “better life.”

And although competition can look positive, over time I started to question something:

What if the obsession with competing ends up limiting our growth?

Today I want to share an idea that changed the way I think:

The most important competition should not be against others, but against yourself.

We Grew Up Believing Life Was a Race

At school, we are taught to compete from a very early age.

The best student. The best grade. The honor board.

And even though this is often presented as “motivation,” it also teaches us something dangerous:

Our value depends on surpassing other people.

When we get to university, the pattern continues:

• top third,
• top fifth,
• better internships,
• better salaries,
• better positions.

Little by little, we stop focusing on learning and start focusing only on winning.

Arthur Schopenhauer said:

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

And honestly, I think he was right.

Because when your life constantly revolves around comparing yourself to other people, you never really feel like enough.

The Problem with Constant Competition

I want to clarify something important:

I am not saying competition is completely bad.

Competition exists and probably always will:

• in business,
• in sports,
• in companies,
• in technology,
• in universities,
• and in almost any human environment.

The problem begins when you turn competition into the center of your identity.

That is when you start building mental limits without even noticing.

The Invisible Ceiling Created by Comparison

Imagine a university classroom.

Everyone is competing to be first.

And suppose you finally get the best grades.

At that moment, you feel like you reached the top.

But reality is much bigger than that.

Outside that classroom there are thousands of people:

• with more experience,
• more skills,
• more knowledge,
• more discipline,
• or completely different contexts.

Then you understand something important:

Your reference point for success was extremely small.

Competition often creates a dangerous illusion: believing that winning in a limited environment means you have already gone far.

And that is where the real problem appears: constant comparison can reduce your view of the world.

The “Win-Lose” Mentality

Stephen R. Covey, in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, talks about different human mentalities.

One of them is the “win-lose” mindset:

“for me to win, someone else has to lose.”

And honestly, I think many people live under that logic.

I saw it a lot at university.

I remember classmates who were extremely competitive.

And yes, a healthy level of competition can help you improve.

But the problem came when competition started to mix with:

• ego,
• envy,
• selfishness,
• insecurity,
• and satisfaction when others failed.

Sometimes it felt like:

“As long as no one surpasses me, everything is fine.”

And over time I understood that this mindset destroys much more than it builds.

Because it is no longer about growing.

It becomes only about not losing to others.

When I Stopped Competing with My Classmates

I want to tell you something personal that ended up changing my way of thinking a lot.

When I was studying Systems and Computer Engineering at university, I noticed that many classmates had one single goal:

pass the courses and finish the degree with good grades.

And I am not saying that is wrong.

But I started to feel that for many people, that was the limit:

• pass,
• finish,
• get the degree,
• and assume that success would come automatically.

Over time I started to ask myself:

What would happen if I followed exactly the same path as everyone else?

And honestly, I felt that if I only did the same thing as the rest, I would probably end up exactly the same… or even worse.

That was when I made a drastic decision: I left university temporarily.

And I want to make something very clear: I am not saying you should do the same.

In many cases, it could be a bad decision.

But for me, in that moment, it meant something different: stopping a life obsessed with competing against others.

While many people kept moving semester after semester, I felt like I was losing the race.

And yes, at first it hurt to see others keep going while I seemed to be falling behind.

But little by little I understood something important:

Maybe I was stopping the competition with others for the first time in my life.

Instead of focusing on whether someone was advancing faster than me, I started focusing on developing myself.

I started to:

• read,
• search for answers,
• learn technology,
• explore new ideas,
• try entrepreneurship,
• build skills,
• and understand how the world actually works outside the university.

And even though from the outside it looked like I had “moved backward,” mentally I felt I was growing a lot.

The Day I Went Back to University

Some time later, I returned to university.

Many of my former classmates were already close to finishing their degree.

If I had kept the competition mindset, I probably would have thought:

“I already lost.”

But by then, I was seeing things differently.

Because while they had advanced academically, I had developed other skills that I probably never would have learned if I had only followed the traditional path.

During that time I had learned:

• about real technology,
• professional development,
• reading,
• habits,
• communication,
• mindset,
• business,
• and personal growth.

I had changed much more as a person.

And I think that was when I understood something important:

Not everyone is running the same race.

The Idea That Changed My Perspective

Over time I started thinking something different:

What if, instead of competing with others, you competed with yourself?

And honestly, I believe that mental shift can transform the way we live.

Because when you become your own reference point:

• a lot of the anxiety created by comparison disappears,
• your growth becomes more authentic,
• and you start focusing on improving instead of performing.

James Clear, in Atomic Habits, shares a powerful idea:

“Getting 1% better every day matters a lot in the long run.”

And although that sounds simple, I think that is where the huge difference between competing and growing appears.

Competition wants to win fast.

Growth wants to build something sustainable.

The Modern Trap: Competing All the Time

Today social media makes this even worse.

Because we constantly see:

• people traveling,
• people building businesses,
• people making money,
• people displaying success,
• people buying things,
• and people reaching goals.

And without realizing it, you start running races you never even wanted to run.

Byung-Chul Han, the South Korean philosopher and author of The Burnout Society, talks about how modern society constantly pushes us toward performance and extreme self-demand.

We no longer just work.

Now we feel that we must:

• stand out,
• produce,
• grow,
• compete,
• and constantly prove our value.

And honestly, I think many people live mentally exhausted because of that.

Infinite Competition Never Ends

Because even if you achieve what you wanted:

• someone will appear with more money,
• more experience,
• more success,
• more recognition,
• or better results.

Comparison never ends.

That is why I believe basing your self-esteem only on surpassing others is a battle that is impossible to win.

So… Should We Never Compete?

Not exactly.

Competition can help you temporarily:

• push yourself,
• learn,
• improve,
• and leave your comfort zone.

But I do not think it should become the center of your life.

Because when your happiness depends only on being above others, you will never feel real peace.

There will always be someone further ahead.

The Best Competition Is Yourself

Today I still dedicate myself a lot to my professional career.

But my mindset changed completely.

I am no longer obsessed with:

• who is ahead,
• who earns more,
• who finished first,
• or who seems more successful.

Because I understood that real growth does not always happen at the same pace for everyone.

And honestly, I believe a big part of my evolution began when I stopped trying to beat others and started focusing on improving myself.

Marcus Aurelius wrote in Meditations:

“The perfection of character is this: to live each day as if it were your last, without frenzy, without apathy, without pretense.”

And I think a large part of that inner order appears when we stop obsessing over proving we are better than everyone else.

Final Reflection

For a long time, I thought that growth meant proving I could surpass other people.

Today I honestly believe that real growth happens when you stop obsessing over comparison and begin building your own version of yourself.

Because in the end, the only person you will live with for your entire life is you.

And that is probably the most important competition of all.